How to protect ourselves from mental and emotional abuse?
Do you remember the fat kid next door who took your favourite ball and threw it through the window? Or your petite classmate who was a bit weird and the kids constantly made fun of him? Or your cool classmates who only chose to hang out with the other “cool” kids, but not you commoners? If you have witnessed such a scene, then you have encountered the phenomenon of psychological abuse from a very young age. Mental and emotional abuse has no physical expression. Unlike physical violence, which leaves visible scars, mental aggression leaves no visible marks on the body. The wounds of emotional violence are invisible and, unfortunately, in many cases much more severe, long-lasting and deep. However, it is hardly talked about, unlike the overexposed topic of physical violence. However, emotional abuse is a phenomenon that can have a lasting impact on a person’s psyche, which is why in this article I will focus more on the signs and symptoms of psychological aggression and how to protect yourself from emotional and psychological manipulation.
Definition
Psychological abuse, also called psychological bullying, is a form of violence characterised by the fact that an individual, through the way he or she treats another person, is directly or indirectly responsible for that person falling into a state of psychological trauma, such as anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress. Types of psychological abuse may include verbal aggression, humiliation, neglect or any other unhealthy behaviour that may diminish the victim of emotional abuse’s self-esteem, dignity and sobriety.
Signs of psychological abuse
Signs of emotional abuse can be:
- insults
- sarcasm
- making up mocking nicknames
- making threats
- ignoring and alienating
- humiliating
- depriving
- denying the existence of bullying and blaming the victim
Mental abuse may not manifest itself at the outset, when the abuser is still groping the ground and checking your weak spots. Over time, however, seemingly harmless jokes and banter often turn into bullying. Mental and emotional abuse quickly takes the form of an endless cycle from which, once trapped, it becomes almost impossible for the victim to escape. As a result of the violence, the person loses self-confidence, often isolates himself, is ashamed to share his problems with others and beats himself up.
Forms of psychological violence
Victims of mental bullying can be both children and adults. The bully has no gender. Contrary to expectations, research shows that 40% of cases of emotional abuse involve women abusing men. It may sound ridiculous to some, but there is evidence that men are more susceptible to psychological manipulation than women. Men are particularly vulnerable to emotional abuse when they are called ‘cowards’, ‘impotent’, ‘failures’, etc. Unfortunately, because of the social stigma and shame caused by being called a ‘womaniser’, this type of emotional aggression is hardly talked about. This does not mean, however, that this type of violence does not exist; on the contrary, it should be condemned with the same determination with which feminists condemn violence against women.
Another perhaps even more serious problem is psychological abuse of children. Children are particularly susceptible to emotional abuse because of their fragile and underdeveloped psyches. Parents can shatter their children’s emotional health through constant criticism, shouting, yelling, insults and neglectful attitudes. Often by beating out their own complexes, they can make their children feel insecure, useless and desperate. Children, in turn, carry their nightmares throughout their conscious lives. If they have not been sufficiently supported by their parents, it is very likely that the psychological abuse will develop into mental disorders and deviations. Such children often have problems in almost all areas of life and especially:
Problems in relations with people
Victims of emotional abuse constantly suffer from a lack of trust in their partner. The reason for this is that as children, they did not have a constructive relationship with their parents. Without a positive relationship at the beginning of their conscious life on which to base other relationships in their lives, emotionally abused children may choose not to form relationships or to be emotionally aggressive towards their partner. This is because they have never seen and do not know what it is like to have a positive relationship with someone. Such people are deeply unhappy in their souls and need to be constantly shown love and attention. These people can hardly be a support to someone, but rather a burden, and therefore there is a real danger that they will become misunderstood loners by society.
Feeling of uselessness and emptiness
Emotionally abused children often feel useless and unnecessary when they receive threats and scolding from their parents instead of love. They may start to believe that they are not really ‘worth it’ and develop a negative mindset to carry over when applying for jobs, university or into their personal lives.
Lack of emotional intelligence
Victims of psychological abuse in early childhood have serious problems expressing their feelings because they were often punished for it when they were young. As a result, they never learn to express their thoughts and feelings properly. They often close in on themselves and don’t give vent to their emotions, which can lead to self-isolation, depression, anxiety and sudden outbursts of long-secret anger.
Examples of psychological abuse
Mental abuse can take verbal and non-verbal forms. Here are some painful examples of verbal aggression:
- „Thinking does not go well with you. A duck once tried to think, think and finally died“
- „Are you pretending to be a wooden philosopher?“
- „Haha, do you hear yourself?! Don’t listen to your dad, he’s spouting gibberish again.“
- „Where did you go at this age to travel?! Don’t you see that you can hardly walk.“
- „Shut up, stupid bitch.“
- „You stupid little son of a bitch.“
- „You’re not a child, you’re God’s punishment, some kind of a freak!“
- „You are to blame! We are all in this shit because of you.“
- „You are not even good at sex“
- „You are a complete oligophrene. You cannot get even a single job done”
Passive aggression is no less dangerous, where the bully can kill you with his silence, as well as by ignoring you all the time. The bully is an emotional manipulator who does not care about the victim’s emotions and cleverly assigns blame to control the emotions and behavior of his chosen one.
Ways to protect yourself from mental and emotional manipulation
Often times the abuser conducts his emotional attacks on purpose, pursuing personal gain. He seeks to bend you to his will, using a variety of methods, including lies, attacks and accusations. Your task is to recognize these methods and to resist the aggression.To be able to protect ourselves from emotional abuse, we need to be very good at reading the nuances and identifying the moments when the manipulator is trying to exert violence on us. Keep in mind that psychological aggression can sometimes be cleverly disguised as a joke. Here are a few effective methods for resisting:
Don’t fall into the trap
Ignore the psychological attack and instead say something cool or show that you don’t care. It is all too likely that after a few failed attempts you will discourage the victim and he will give up after convincing himself that he cannot influence and manipulate you.
Avoid emotional manipulators and abusers
Prevention is the best protection. Of course, in real life it is difficult to avoid such people completely, but you can limit your relationships with them, at least as far as your personal life is concerned.
Counterattack
Attack is the best form of defense. Identify emotional abuse and make it clear that you will no longer tolerate it. Expose the bully.
Avoid emotional attachment with the manipulator
As I said earlier, avoid contact with such people. If you do have to have a relationship with such a person, try not to get emotionally involved, because he will probably use your weakness as a weapon against you.
Pray/Meditate
Prayer/meditation is a good way to be alone with yourself and purify your soul. For one reason or another, highly spiritual people are significantly less susceptible to manipulation. Strengthen your spirit, dust yourself off, and move on.
Do not take the role of a victim
Sometimes we tend to feel sorry for ourselves and blame others for our failures. Don’t take on a victim role, it won’t reflect well on either your personal life or work.
Inspire
Inspire those around you. Be the change you want to see around you. Do good to other people without expecting anything in return. Again, there will be people who will try to crush you, but there will also be those who will encourage you.
Choose your friends wisely
Choose to associate with people who support and encourage you, not those who envy and try to destroy you. Get rid of your relationships with people who make you feel bad.
Build character and psyche
A strong psyche is vital in today’s society of malice, arrogance and hypocrisy. Get thick-skinned if you must, but don’t let yourself be discouraged and knocked down by words.
© 2018 Atanas Yonkov
Literature:
https://www.powerofpositivity.com/11-ways-protect-emotional-manipulation/
